life is...

Taken from a Skype conversation:

[1:11:39 PM] Yoyo Chan: LOL
[1:11:44 PM] Yoyo Chan: okay
[1:11:45 PM] Yoyo Chan: (:
[1:11:47 PM] Yoyo Chan: thanks jiggy
[1:11:48 PM] Jing Liu: :)
[1:11:49 PM] Yoyo Chan: hows life
[1:11:49 PM] Jing Liu: no prob
[1:11:51 PM] Jing Liu: I don't know
[1:12:05 PM] Jing Liu: I spend every day missing someone
[1:12:07 PM] Jing Liu: you tell me how life is.
[1:12:14 PM] Yoyo Chan: good.
[1:12:17 PM] Yoyo Chan: normal.
[1:12:26 PM] Jing Liu: yup, basically
[1:12:27 PM] Jing Liu: haha

:)

the worst way to miss someone is to be right beside them and know you can never have them.

I'm an emotional wreck.

Maybe it's the combination of the hunger, folding paper cranes daily, having no one to talk to, and the humid weather.

oh Minerva...

I woke up at 6 am to register for courses, to find out on Facebook that it's only open at 8 am. Now it's 8 am and Minerva tells me that the maximum amount of users logged on has been reached and that I should try again later.

Jing's verdict:

Course registration is a bitch.

something greater than us

The feeling you get when you have so much to say but you don't know how to word it is frustrating. If we could show someone our feelings without words, without pictures, without sound... if we could show someone our feelings by transferring it to them, I would do it. Because feelings are the only genuine thing we have left that can't be duplicated or manufactured.

I'm not a believer of many things. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in 11:11. I don't believe in birthday wishes, shooting stars, rainbows with pots of gold at the end, or 4-leaf clovers. I believe that there is a spirit or being that is out there somewhere, who may have or may not have created life. I believe that 12:34 is a very cool number, and that's all it is: cool.

I'm folding 1000 paper cranes to decorate my house room and my dorm room at university, 500 each respectively. I had no intentions of making a wish, because I don't believe that folding 1000 pieces of paper does anything but turn something flat into an animal. I had no intentions of making a wish because I was afraid that if I made the wish I would be wasting all my hard work to fold the birds on something I probably could achieve just with money or hard work (that doesn't involve origami). Wishes just don't come that easily.

I don't believe (in) many things, but I believe this:

One day you will meet someone and they will become a truly significant person in your life. They will become so important - more important than anything - that you'll do silly things like origami because you've realized that their happiness is worth every single minute you spend folding a piece of paper.

I guess I believe in love.

I don't want to leave.

: (

meow

Today, two interesting things happened that both had to do with my cats.

1. Usually when I watch TV or practice violin, I let my cats out into the backyard so they can get some nice summer air and roam around (Hugo's always been an outdoorsy cat anyway). Today was a usual day. When Hugo came in and Tommy didn't, I began to get worried. I called Tommy's name, but I expected him not to respond because he's usually very idiotic when it comes to doing that, so I climbed up the stairs (my legs hurt a LOT from exercising) and got the cat food bag out. I ran downstairs into the family room and approached the backyard, shaking the bag. This ALWAYS gets a response from both cats, because they're always always always hungry (don't doubt me. Don't.) However, when Tommy didn't appear, I started freaking out. I ran outside and looked everywhere in the backyard and when I didn't find him, I went back inside and hoped that maybe I just didn't see him  come back inside. No luck. I went back outside and FINALLY found him calmly and comfortably lying under a bunch of huge green leaves belonging to my dad's various plants. Then I grabbed him from under there, placed him violently on the grass and took the leaves out of his fur, ignoring his complaints. Now, I should have been sad and pitied him, but I was just plain mad.

And that got me thinking. If I could freak out about losing something as small as a cat (granted, he's not small at all, as my friends can agree), I can't even imagine what it would feel like losing my child. I was on the verge of tears while looking for him because he was my responsibility; I was the one who let him out into the backyard. It reminded me of the day that my parents thought they lost me, about two years ago.

My dad had driven us to the mall so I could go to Payless Shoesource and get some shoes. It was at around 8 or 8:30 pm, and I was so excited to go that I ran out of the car as soon as my dad parked (I know I know, I was being stupid), and I thought that my parents knew I had left. I mean, where else could I go? When I made it to the store, I looked around for about 5 minutes, and after not seeing my parents enter, I thought they might have gone to a different store. Maybe they went to Walmart. So I went to Walmart and I still didn't find them. Finally I saw my parents, both pale as they ran towards me and I looked at them in confusion. They asked me where the hell I went and why did I leave so fast. They thought that someone took me. My dad, in all his fear and confusion, thought he saw a little girl wearing a blue coat just like the one I had on and she was in someone else's car. They were both crying, which made me cry because I had never seen them so scared in their lives.

I don't remember if they got mad at me, but I can't say I wouldn't be at my kid. That's when I learned that parents don't get angry at their kids because they're controlling freaks that need people to listen to them. They get angry at their kids because they love them so much that they only want the best for them. They want to protect them, for them to be safe. And yeah, this is cliche. Of course it is, because it's true.

2. When cats get scared or protective, their tails puff up and they arch their backs and most of the time, they hiss.

Today, I was reading Twilight on the couch in the living room (I never read there) when I heard a horrible sound. At first I thought it was something coming from outside, maybe a weird lawn mower or maybe a malfunctioning pot, as my dad was cooking dinner. All of a sudden I saw Tommy running toward the fish tank and skidding just behind it, with Hugo behind him. Hugo was in full freaked-out cat mode. Sometimes when Tommy and Hugo fight, Tommy yowls at Hugo because he doesn't want Hugo to bite or lick him (Hugo can be overbearing). Tommy yowled especially loud this time, and that weird noise was coming from Hugo. Hugo started meowing at Tommy and I honestly thought that Hugo wanted to kill Tommy. I know people say that for expression, but I'm not exaggerating. It was that crazy. Hugo's tail stayed puffed-up for 5 minutes (which is a long time for a cat). Then my dad realized that it was the black stray cat outside in the backyard. In the end we hypothesized that Hugo was trying to protect Tommy or yelling at Tommy not to go near the cat.

I don't even remember what kind of sound Hugo made, I just remember it being the scariest thing I've ever heard coming from a small cat like him.

Oh, and this didn't happen today, but I planned my courses for my entire 4 years at McGill yesterday :)

time to exploit the bastard

Two years ago, I was friends with this guy called Yoshi Kobayashi. He's half Japanese, half Korean, and he lived in the States. Then we stopped talking because of online drama (which I don't have anymore, thank god) and he moved to Korea to be a backup dancer or something cool like that. A week or two ago I emailed him because I had been reading all the emails we sent each other before and I missed talking to him. I wanted to catch up with him, so I emailed him asking how he's been. He never replied. Okay I'm kidding, he did.

From our emails I know that he had the chance to be a backup dancer for famous boy singers or something (too lazy to read his email), teach his own dance classes, and he even became a model. He's really tall and skinny (that's my explanation; note, both of which I am not).

And he sent me all these pictures of the photo shoots he took, which made me think that because they're so good and sexy, I should exploit him because I'm an "annoying little bitch" (quoted from me). The only reason I'm doing this is because 1. I didn't know my old friend would be so gorgeous 2. he never EVER let me see his face which made me mad and that's mostly the reason why I'm doing this.

 

You have a really nice figure, you skinny bastard.

 

You look like you have boobs, but it's okay because your lip bite makes it sexy.

Hi Jay Chou.

I love that trench coat.

THE LIP BITE. Just keep doing that; I think I love you.

 

Did you get to keep that bag? :D

Personally, I like your Jay Chou hair more, but those boots look like something from Audition. 

He's bringing sexy back.

Yeah, I don't know why I rejected you for your friend, Yoshi. There was something wrong with me, I admit it. There still is. And you DO have a large nose! I love it :)

I hate it when we disagree.

I want you to love me because I'm selfish; it makes me feel special, significant. When we argue, I'm so scared of making you hate me. I know that you don't have to love me, but you do. You're not bound by anything to talk to me or to hang out with me, but somehow you ended up caring about me and let me into your life. You are so important to me and I'm so afraid of losing you.

well this sucks.

What's the point in posting daily when nothing interesting happens every day?

Two nights ago I had a dream that I was washing my white t-shirt in a sink at a swimming pool changing room, but the water was so disgusting that my t-shirt became dirty and sewer-water green. I don't know if that's supposed to symbolize something, but if it is I guess my subconscious (sub-conscience?) is trying to tell me that I shouldn't fix something that's a little broken because I'll end up making it worse and then I'll cry (I cried in the dream).

Of course, I have no idea what this thing I'm trying to fix is.

 If you guys still occasionally check my summer to-do list, you'll see that I have crossed "watch all Twilight movies" out. Certainly, I haven't watched Eclipse, but I'm not spending money to watch that movie, even if it looks like it has more action than the last two movies combined. I was going to write a long critique about New Moon, but I just don't feel like it right now; there's something else I want to talk about...that I will say AFTER I tell you guys about how amazing I am with faces.

This is Dakota Fanning, who plays Jane.

The Chinese dude is Jay Chou.

I think that's enough proof...for now.

The other thing I wanted to talk about is that I miss my family in China. And I'm so happy for my friends that they get to go to all these cool places in Asia (well I don't really care about all the cool places) and even get to meet up in Hong Kong under a huge...Buzz Lightyear  http://thesheepinabox.blogspot.com/2010/07/delay-no-more.html, while I'm just here at home waking up at 11 am every day (waking up at 8 am is harder than you think when you have absolutely nothing to do), thinking of what I should do with my pathetic summer.

Because the reality is, I planned to go back after I graduated too. But my mom told me "we have no money because we just bought a house", "I have no time to go back", "we have no money because you need to go to university and if we go to China how are we going to pay for it?", and "I don't even want to go back". That was the worst.

And I'm sorry, but I'm mad at my parents for not saving up for me for university. Aren't they supposed to do that? Don't they have something in the back of their mind going "hey one day your daughter's gonna grow up, graduate from high school, and if you want to get her to university you better start saving up like NOW". I can't do anything about it now, but I'm scared. I love that I was I accepted to McGill University, but I'm scared that one day, my parents won't be able to pay for it. And if and when that happens, I can't blame anyone. All we'll be able to do is figure out a solution.

I guess I could blame myself. Up to now I've had no job experience at all. I looked last summer and this summer, but going job-hunting only twice is not enough to get a job. I envy those kids who have jobs, and I wish I could tell them that although it tires them and the pay is "shit", at least they have a job. It's better than nothing, it really is. I get frustrated when I fill out a job application form and they ask me for previous employers. I've never been lucky enough to just be accepted for a job because the employer was my mom's friend or my dad's friend, so I've never have a previous employer. People have to start somewhere, right? Unfortunately, when managers see that you have absolutely no job experience, they're going to pick the one who has more over the one who has none.  It doesn't matter how much I show I'm a hard-worker; I've never had a job, so all my volunteering doesn't prove anything to them.

I thought I could do something this summer, not spend it sitting at my computer every day for the entire two months like I have been ever since I was little. I thought that if I couldn't go to China, the least I could do is get a job and feel productive, feel like I was helping out. I can't even do that.

I wish I was in China. I miss my family so much. My mom always asks me why I want to go back and when I answer "because I want to see my family", she just laughs at me. My dad replies with "well you don't even have that much nostalgia when you go back because you hardly ever see them." So why don't my parents want to go back? Why did my mom say to me in the car one day that she doesn't even want to go back to see her parents? I'm scared that the next time I go back it'll be to attend a funeral. All my family is in China, including the cousins. I envy people who have cousins here, or people that can just go back whenever they want because they have the time and the money.

Two of my friends are in Asia. Two of them are here. One of them is leaving in about a week, and I'll never see her again until winter break. The other has a job, which means I can't see her often.

I calculated that during school, I see my parents for about 6-7 hours a day. Maybe an hour in the morning to get ready and leave, and when I come back at 4:30 pm, my parents aren't home. I wait until 7, 8, 9 for them to arrive, we eat dinner, and then we're all off doing our things, until my parents sleep at 12 or at the latest, 1.

I'm lonely. I miss you all, and I miss my family.

with more posts than ever!

I watched Balls of Fury. It was funny. That poor cricket.

people have feelings too

It's not the evening, which is when I usually write up a new blog entry to tell you all about my day, but I have to say a few things before I forget.

I am not a restaurant.

I am not a dating service.

I am not your personal slave.

If you have a problem with the pictures that I post on my Facebook profile, then keep that problem to yourself. I don't know if you've realized it, but

I don't cater to your visual needs.

Hi, hello, I am a human and I choose what to do with my life. If you are not related to me, then you don't deserve any right to tell me what to do, period. And don't say that "you look nicer" in my previous picture, because I am the owner of my profile. I choose what to put and I choose what to take off.

Don't complain that I have another profile picture just a day after I put a new one up. Don't complain to me that the angle I take my pictures at are all the same. Don't tell me on my Facebook wall that you want me to take my current picture off and when I put a picture up you complain that you don't like it, it looks like all the other ones I have. Hey, here's something for you to think about, just a little something:

FUCK OFF 

I am not your best friend. I will not do what you want, when you want. I am not your bitch, I am not your pet. Instead of making demands and requests every time you talk to me, how about you try to be nice and give me a compliment once in a while? Because I certainly don't complain to you about the way you look, the pictures you post, or what you like. And don't tell me "well you're you and I'm me", because you know what, buddy? It's called respect.

I know that this is hard to for you to understand. I'm being a hypocrite because I'm telling demanding you to change yourself from being an annoying asshole to a courteous person. I know you think it's interesting or amusing when you tell me to put THIS picture up or take off THAT picture, but it's becoming offensive and insulting.

I like my pictures, and if you don't, then get the hell off my profile.  

I am not changing myself for you.

1000 paper cranes

Today, I was upset (again), mainly because of my parents...which is a lot. I'm sure all of you have been through the situation where you're really motivated to do something, but when you tell your parents about it they shoot your idea down because they don't like it. And if it comes from a friend then hey it's no problem, you don't live to satisfy your friend. But with my parents disapproving of something (not drugs, sex, alcohol - I don't do that stuff), something that I've already started to do, it really hurts.

Especially when they tell me I can't do it because my roommate will not like it and she'll think I'm weird.

Do I live to satisfy other people? I hope none of you live to satisfy others. I don't, and I'm not going to stop folding paper cranes because my roommate might not like it. If I did everything to satisfy her requirements, then I might as well not even live there because she might not have wanted a roommate. But you know, I'm really sorry that I can't disappear.

Kristen Stewart is a house

My day today consisted of my job interview at Vector's and Twilight.

For all those that were wondering (that means you, Curtis), I got the job. EXCEPT (don't you hate "excepts" or "buts") that when I called my mother after I left, she became very skeptical about it. I tried convincing her about the job and the prospects and blah blah blah while walking to the Bayview bus stop still wearing my black pants on (I had shorts in my bag but the washroom needed a key and I had just walked out so I didn't want to walk back in) but she would have none of it. Once I got to the bus stop I waited for the bus. And waited. And waited. My mom took the opportunity to call me and proclaim that she had found a website that wrote an article about Vector being a scam for college kids. Then she told me that she was going to pick me up and make me read the article at her office and then she was going to drop me off at home.

In short, I was pissed off. I like this picture. I don't know why.

And what really annoyed me was that the scam article made me realize that maybe, just maybe, it was a scam. The office was pretty small and "sketchy"-looking. But I liked the presentation. Maybe I just like knives because I have this secret dream of being a chef. ...although it's not a secret anymore. WHATEVER.

So I'm still jobless. And I have done absolutely nothing except for watch Twilight (I finally got through it!).

Surprisingly, it wasn't that bad after the first half. The first half was too awkward. I mean the entire first half was awkward. The characters were awkward, and that awkwardness made the movie so LONG. I'm sorry, but a 2 hour-long movie for a pale human girl to fall in love with a guy who looked like he was about to barf from the sight of her (yeah Edward, even Bella noticed when she sniffed her hair)?

Dr. Carlisle looks like an owl to me. Just wanted to point that out.

I also hated the set. I hated the clouds, the palette of GRAY in the entire movie. The only warming parts were the Cullens' house and the lights on the patio circle thing during their prom. The new director for New Moon better change that.

Oh, and no offense Kristen Stewart, but every time you open your mouth to utter a word of incomprehensibility or to sigh or to do something that requires you to open your mouth  (yes, even talking), you look like a frog. Or a...any type of animal that always has its mouth open. Maybe a horse. I don't know. I don't like your acting, and I don't like that you're not

her. Yes, Emily Browning. Back when all the girls were screaming about the rumour that Twilight was going to be made into a movie and I still had somewhat of a respect for the book, I read somewhere in Stephenie Meyer's forums that Emily Browning was one of the candidates to possibly play Bella Swan. And let me tell you, I wish it was Emily Browning. She's way more attractive. Now, Bella may not be beautiful, but that doesn't mean she's not attractive. Emily Browning is pretty. Kristen Stewart sort of reminds me of a horse, come to think of it.

Or maybe a mouse-horse. A morse? A house? Kristen Stewart is a house. I like the sound of that.

And those noises she made when she was poisoned with James' venom. I wanted so desperately for Edward to save her too, so that I could be spared from the sound of horrible in-pain acting.  It sounded like she was choking on bread while snorting at the same time.

Wait 'til you guys read what I'm going to say about New Moon. Here's a sneak peek: "When I get a boyfriend I'm going to be so dedicated to him that when he leaves I'll crawl into a fetal position in the middle of the woods with no logical sense at all and end up almost getting killed by vampires I just love him so much." And that was JUST from watching the horrible trailer.

Oh, one last thing. The part where Edward Cullen shows Bella why he can't be seen in the daylight? I thought he had silver chest hair.

living is wonderful

Right, so I didn't blog for a day. Sorry about that. I was busy watching Angel Beats!, this anime about a group of teenagers in the afterlife who build a battlefront to fight against Angel, a girl they believe to be one of God's messengers whose goal is to make the dead teenagers disappear (from the afterlife world). It sounds a bit stupid, but it's by far one of the most non-cliché animes I've watched. It's 13 episodes long and each episode is half an hour. I finished all of it yesterday, which explains my failure to blog.

My favourite character is Angel. Apart from the fact that she actually looks like an angel (her real name is Tachibana Kanade), she speaks very softly, is most of the time passive, and her eyes are pretty. I'm sure you can deduce from the picture above which one Kanade is.

I've got my eye on you

On Sunday I bought two boxes of 50mmx50mm origami paper that I was planning to use to fold my 1000 paper cranes. On each box there was a "500" marked in a circle, so I (stupidly) thought that it meant there was 500 sheets of paper in each box. Unfortunately last night when I, on a whim, decided to count my paper, to my complete surprise I found there was only 100 sheets of paper in each box. That means I only bought 200 sheets of paper when I was supposed to buy 1000 sheets of paper. That means I have to go back to One's at Market Village beside Pmall to get another 8 boxes of paper. That means I have to pay about $15 total to make 1000 paper cranes.

I also watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs today, as you can see from my "moving pictures" list (those lists are books/movies/things that I still need to read/watch/get/want). My favourite quote? 

"This contact lens represents you. My eye represents my eye. I've got my eye on you."

Earl Devereaux, aka the town cop, is voiced by none other than Mr. T.

You know who else is in this movie? 

He plays Steve, a monkey who has a monkey translator on his chest so you know what he's thinking. His script consists of simple words like "Steve!" and "Steve!" and "gummy bears" and "danger". I know Neil Patrick Harris is gay but I wish he was single. He's so yummy and he always plays the womanizer, on shows such as How I Met Your Mother.

On another note, I received a call for an interview today. It's for Vector, an organization that sponsors Cutco, a cutlery company. Okay it sounds ridiculous but I'm just thankful for the interview. It's a group interview (I'm  beginning to despise this type) and it's on Thursday at 10 am, so wish me luck! :)

the countdown

So I realized that I only have 47 days left of summer to read all the books on my to-read list and all the shows/series/movies/dramas on my to-watch list.

Oh boy. I guess it could be a good thing that I don't have a job, eh?

On another note, I'm planning on writing a blog entry each day, because I probably won't be able to once I start university.

Who else wants to desperately watch Despicable Me? If not for the adorable little girl with a ponytail, but for the movie itself? :)

jumping on the bandwagon

So I jumped on the bandwagon for Xanga a year ago and now I think I'm going to jump it again. Here we are, at my new place. Let's hope I keep this site, because I really don't know what other social network to join anymore (do not make me get a myspace).

Transferred from my Xanga:

summer to-do list (not in any particular order and because I have no job):

1. start "Hack Me If You Can" with Yoyo
2. go to Wonderland
3. play at least 2 hours of violin daily
4. watch everything on my to-watch list
5. read everything on my to-read list
6. watch Twilight movies (I swear I will put myself through it this time)
7. watch Final Fantasy movies
8. make 1000 paper cranes
9. watch Despicable Me in theaters
10. go to library weekly
11. finish CSI games
12. finish Final Fantasy: Crisis Core on PSP
13. make another Youtube cover with Yoyo
14. make more Youtube covers
15. spend a day at Ikea
16. sleep at least 8 hours daily
17. exercise daily
18. drink water daily
19. go to Centre Island
20. get the Sony Cyber-shot Waterproof 10.2 MP digital camera DSCTX5G in green
21. get the iPod nano product (RED)
22. get the LG Xenon from Fido on a two-year term contract
23. play Wii with Mom when able to
24. buy parents each a gift
25. buy laptop sleeve
26. hang out with big bro
27. go to Pmall
28. make a BMO account
29. get a new prescription/glasses
30. buy a camera case 
31. play all of FFR's songs